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A tribe of Zulu warriors caught an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman in

the African jungle. The Chief Warrior told the Scotsman that he had a

choice of 'bongo' or death. "Well I don't fancy death much, so I think

I'd rather have this bongo lark". To which ten of his fellow warriors

tied the Scotsman to a nearby tree, pulled down his trousers, and

started having intercourse with him. After a while the Scotsman was cut

free from the tree, and ran off deep into the jungle clutching at his

bottom. The Chief then turns to the Irishman. "What do you want?"

"Well I don't fancy dying either. I'll have bongo too I think." The

Irishman is then tied up to a tree and the same thing happens to him.

Finally it's the turn of the Englishman. "What'll you have?" asked the

Chief. "Sir," said the Englishman, "I am an Englishman. I am dignified

at all times. I never cringe in the face of adversity. I stand up to

the toughest challenges. I would rather perish than endure what those

poor wretches have just suffered. Therefore, I will choose death."

"Whoah!" shouts the chief "Did you hear that men? This man would rather

die! So be it. Give him DEATH............by bongo!!"

--------------------------------------...

A stuttering man finally decides to go to the doctor to see if

his speech impediment can be cured. The doctor thoroughly examines the

man and finally asks him to drop his pants. Out comes this gigantic

dick and the doctor pronounces the root of the problem to be strain on

the vocal chords from the effects of gravity being transmitted up to

the neck area. The patient then asks, "wh-wh-at c-c-ca-an b-b-e d-d

done ab-b-bout- t-t i-i- t?" to which the doctor replies, "modern

surgery can work miracles. We can replace your dick with one of normal

size and the stuttering will disappear right after the operation." The

patient eagerly agrees to the surgery, and as promised his stuttering

disappears. About 3 months later the man returns to the doctor and

complains, "doctor, I am grateful to you for having cured me, but my

wife really misses a big dick and rather than lose her I've decided to

get my old dick back and live with stuttering for the rest of my life."

The doctor then looks straight at the man and replies, "d-d- de-deal's

a d-d-deal."

--------------------------------------...

There is this guy with a speech problem. One day he walks into

a General Store and asks," Can I have some bum?" "What?" the clerk

asks. "Bum....you know that nice tasting chewy stuff?" "Oh GUM!" says

the clerk. "Yeah bum." So the guy pays for the gum and he walks off

with it.

Then he goes to a Hardware Store and asks the clerk," Can I

have a fucket?" "What?" asks the clerk in disbelieve. "A fucket. You

know that thing you put water into?" "Oh a BUCKET!" responds the clerk.

"Yeah a fucket." So the guy pays for that and walks off with his gum

and bucket.

Then he goes to a Pet Store and asks the clerk," Can I have a

cockandspankit?" "A what?" the clerk asks. "You know a cockandspankit.

That nice little poodle." "Oh a COCKERSPANIEL!" "Yeah a cock and spank

it." Then he pays the clerk and walks out with gum, a bucket, and a

cockerspaniel.

The guy is walking along and his cockerspaniel gets loose.

"****!" he yells. Then he walks up to someone and asks," Can you hold

my bum and fucket so I can go get my cock and spank it?"

--------------------------------------...

A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day

a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off,

washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for

twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries. She says,

"Well, what did you do for love?" He says, "Love? What's that?" She says,

"I'll show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows

him one more time. When they're finally done, she says, "Well, how do you

like love?" He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam

digger."

--------------------------------------...

The traveller knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had

told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid

open and a female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get

screwed," said the man. "OK, mister, but this is a private club,

so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice. The man did this, the panel was closed, minutes passed. Nothing happened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open. "Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"

"What?" said the voice, "Again?"

--------------------------------------...

A man picks up a girl in a party. They proceed to her place and

things are starting to heat up. He takes his shirt off and washes his

hands. He takes his pants off and washes hands again. So the girl

tells him: "I bet you're a dentist." Surprised he says: "that's

correct, how did you know?" "You washed your hands a few times,

so I figured you're used to it." They go on and they have sex.

Then she says: "you know what? I'm willing to bet you're a very

good dentist". "How can you tell?" he asks. "I didn't feel a thing..."

--------------------------------------...

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps

his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns

over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment

tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few

minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

--------------------------------------...

If you go to bed 9 hours before you have to wake up, and you wife wants

to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?

8 hours, 57 minutes - who cares what she wants!

--------------------------------------...

These three women were sitting around one night talking about their

boyfriends when they decided they would give their men nicknames based on

kinds of soda. The first woman said: "I'm gonna call Tom "Mountain Dew" because he is as strong as a mountain and always wants to do it!"

The second woman said: "I'm gonna call Bruce "7-Up" because he has seven

inches and it is always up!" The third woman said: "I'm gonna call my man "Jack Daniels." The other two women responded: "Jack Daniels? But that's a

hard liquor." The third woman replied: "THAT'S MY LEROY!"

--------------------------------------...

A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As

he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole. He watches

for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy,

and she gets mad at me for sucking my *thumb*"

--------------------------------------...

The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next

day someone asked him how things had gone. "She uses too many four-letter

words for me," was the reply. "Really?" "Yes," answered the playboy. "All

evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and "quit that."

--------------------------------------...

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some

preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and

generally got organised for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl

started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. "Your

organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side."

Hurt, he replied: "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."

--------------------------------------...

Two kids were having the standard argument about whose father could beat up

whose father. One boy said, "My father is better than your father." The

other kid said, "Well, my mother is better than your mother." The first boy

paused, "I guess you're right. My fathers says the same thing."

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful

17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to

Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him,

"So, tell me, how was it?" "Oh, it was beautiful," says the man. "The sun,

the surf, we made love almost every night, we--" His friend interrupts him.

"A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?" "Oh," says the

man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..."

--------------------------------------...

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest

daughter walks in.

Child: Mother, where do babies come from?

Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night

they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The

daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the

mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room

you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Mom: Jewellery, dear.

--------------------------------------...

A poor man told his wife, I am sick and tired of being poor, I am going

to work overseas. So, he took off to Africa. A few years later, he

returned. As he approached his house he got stunned with the luxurious and

rich look of the house. He knocked on the door, the servant opened.

"Is the housewife in?" he asked.

The servant replied: "Just a moment." The wife comes out:

Wife: Wow, my man, all dressed up as a rich man after these years.

Husband: Guess what? I am rich.

Wife: How?

Husband: I went to Africa, found people walk with no underwear and sleep

on sand, so I began to make and sell underwear and beds. Due to

the high demand, I got rich fast.

Wife: A man, with all of your strength, had to go all the way to Africa,

making beds and underwear, to get rich, and I am a little woman that

stayed here, without underwear and on a single bed...I got REAL

rich.

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Bloody hell woman, dont you ever write short ones

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Shish those are many....tee hee hee...funny though!

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lol, great jokes, thanks for the funny

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lmao those are funny!!!!!!!!

More funny jokes ( 3 )?

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

..

More funny jokes ( 3 )?

good jokes

More funny jokes ( 3 )?

chij onpala thats the best lot of jokes on here tonite well done

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WoooHoo! LOL. LOL. LOL.

You go, Miss Lady!! You're on a roll!

Kudos to you.

Thanks for all the laughter.

More funny jokes ( 3 )?

lol, good ones