Sunday, July 26, 2009

Does it change after physical violence?

Was married for 10 years and have four children. An argument turned ugly last yr and was told by partner that it was over. Tried to leave, and partner let tyres on car down. I reacted and swung at him to shoo him away. Struck him with toilletry bag. He retalliated and grasped my hair while he belted into my head and face. I left relationship to be near family with kids. He took me to court to get kids back. Says he is sorry for it all now, and says he has changed. Has done anger managment and had other counselling. I feel numb towards the man and am not sure if the connection we once had will ever come back. Should i just cut my losses, sell and move on as a single mum? Do these men really change, and you learn to trust again, or is this a typical "honeymoon" stage, and will return to violent behaviour in the future?

Does it change after physical violence?

if u feel numb, don't go back to him. men really never change, u can tell much about a man by looking at his past. the connection u once had would be hard to get back, after being abused. i wouldn't go back, u could just be asking for more.

Does it change after physical violence?

You are in a tough situation here. Do you think he has changed from the conversations you have had with him? Maybe you could just start seeing each other and not have it so serious to see how he treats you. The two of you should try couple counseling to talk things out as well.

Does it change after physical violence?

Everyone is different. But if you feel numb. Don't go back. Some people can change have to have feelings for him, it sounds like you don't. It is very hard to get that back. this is similar to my ex. I tried to make it work and it failed. Maybe you need to talk to a counselor.

Does it change after physical violence?

He is not going to change and f he hit you once he is going to do it again I suggest you move on leave as a single mom you will find someone latter in the future that will treat like a good women just try it is not hard and you need to get through it take care.

Does it change after physical violence?

He is not going to change unless GOD zaps his poor lil head , girl.

SELL and move on.

See the word "misogyny". It is all a weird game they do not even understand because their dads taught it to them when they were too young to understand anything.

God bless you girl.

Does it change after physical violence?

If he did change, he is a rare case. This is usually called the cycle of violence and I would be extremely careful. All the Anger management and counseling classes in the world will not change someone unless they WANT to change. I know because I was in an abusive relationship with someone who went to those classes and changed for maybe a week. Please be careful. Most times it will happen again.

Does it change after physical violence?

a decent man will never hit her women unless he is provoked... maybe he just hit the wall during that "incident"...but when he says he already got an anger mngt, why try not talking again? try to remember how he reacted to you within those ten yrs togeder... both of you should go to counselling.....if you want your family back...

Does it change after physical violence?

The children are what is important and it is sad for them. If you can go to a church and get involved in church activities it helps alot in rehabilitation of families.

But if the idea of being a church going family and relying on Jesus Christ to help you all everyday isn't your cup of tea to try to mend things and be a family again.....of course move on.

Marriages,morality and duty take diligent work, it's a job! If you guys are the drinking and cussing sort, forget it. The problem is not him or you .Its how you both handle and react to situations. The marriage will only change if both of you change and put God ,the marriage and your children first , all the cooperation feelings and respect will come back if you make it work. The love or deep deep like and fondness will grow ,because you will both be working towards the same purpose. If it is one way, then, no way will it work.That's how it will always be.

After a certain age, there is NO hot passionate love anyway it's just tolerance and fondness and respect for each other. If you can't be friends you can't be married.

Does it change after physical violence?

Firstly you need to leave this situation, and not return till his anger issues are sorted out..otherwise he'll just think it's ok when he's angry to hit you and by staying, you're saying I'm a door mat! Yourself esteem will be zero..but you need to make a break to make a point....BUT leave when he's not there and don't make a song and dance about it; also it maybe safer not to tell him where you're going till he's sorted out his anger issue...Before and IF you should both have counselling and ongoing counselling.

This situation is not fair on your children...and they learn their relationship and parenting skills by watching how their parents treat each other!

So take action...and sort out your way or another; not only for yourself, but for your children!

Does it change after physical violence?

Would you be able to trust a stranger who raped you?

He violated you in a most terrifing way. You put all your trust into this man. You gave him your life for 10 yrs and he hurt you.

Even if he has changed will you ever be able to trust him again or will you always be worried about it happening again?

I gave 10 years of my life to my husband and the last year or two his anger grew worse and worse. Until one day he came charging at me in a rage. I will never forget the look in his eyes that day and it was 9 months before I looked at his eyes again.

I moved my 3 children along with myself to my mothers house. There are times I wonder about going back but all I have to do is read the journal (I wrote a week after I left) to know that I will never be able to trust him again. I know the next step in his anger would be physical abuse because that day he hit me with a door(which I truly believe now was an accident) and it was months before he appoligized(never really for the hit). I worry about the children making him that angry and what he would do to them.

I always say:

You are the leader of your existence

You've been with him 10years, make yourself recall his personality in different situations especially what makes him angry. Carefully listen to his voice (for months).

And make sure (if you haven't already) you figure out who you are and what you want out of life.

Only you can make this decision. Don't let a bunch of people you don't know online sway you in this decision, it has to be you. And don't let anyone or anything pressure you back to him(I know it is tough being a single mom).

Once trust is broken it takes alot to regain it.

Do you want to trust him again?

Do YOU believe he's changed?

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't even think about reconciliation. He crossed over a major line.

I pray that you will make the right decision for you and your children.

You are the leader of your existence.

Does it change after physical violence?

i will say we are all cable of changing if we want to and if someone is trying to they need to be given a chance.

going back has nothing to do with him but you. do you want to? thats what you should be asking your self.

remember you too were both involved in the argument , you hit him with a toilet bag and he hit you back. why is it okay for you to do it and not right for him to bring it back?

people are most of the time not fair to men, like we women do things to them like hit them with our toilet bags, high heel shoes and most of the time abuse them verbally and just because they are men they are expected to shut up and respect a woman.

you took his kids from him and he fought you in court , now is that not a father who will fight for kids? if he didnt he would be a bad dad who left his kids

we all need to change and learn to respect each other as women and men.

good luck and hope you find whats best for you and the children

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