My daughter is now 11 yrs old. I had her with a black man and then we seperated and a year later I married a biracial man. Well 10 years later we have had three other children so now I have a total of 4 kids. My 11 year old looks very different form my three other children. She is alot darker complected and has curly hair. I dont want to ever tell her the truth because I dont want her to feel different. Im scared she will look for her real father and he is really no good. My husband treats her the same as the other kids and loves her so much. But will she resent us for lying to her. How would you even go about telling your child that her dad is her step dad after all these years. Her real father has always wanted to be in her life, but I thought that his lifestyle was out of control. My current husband has taken very good care of her and supported her. When or if should I tell her . Please help I dont want to hurt my daughter.
My 11 yr old doesnt know her dad isnt her biological dad?
First of all, stop beating yourself up over it, just be thankful that you found a man willing to be a 'real dad' to your daughter. In my opinion the man that is being a man and taking care of her is her 'real dad' Love makes him her dad and love makes her 'his' daughter. The other guy is missing out, your daughter isn't. If you tell your daughter the truth at this point it will really hurt her, because she will wonder why the other man hasn't been involved in her life. She will think it is her fault and not his own fault for being a loser.
Girls who have a dad in their lives are way less likely to seek attention from other boys and men, if she feels rejected from her biological dad she may seek approval from other guys to make her feel good about herself.
If the biological dad isn't trying to contact her and you aren't worried about him trying to contact her let it go. She already has a stable home and a good dad, don't rock the boat because it doesn't sound like anything good will come of it.
Besides if you tell her now, she will wonder what other secrets you are keeping from her and it might cause her not to trust you, once someone loses trust in you it is really hard to get it back.
My 11 yr old doesnt know her dad isnt her biological dad?
you need to tell her the truth and let her decide from there, because she will find out and when she does, she will look at you strange
My 11 yr old doesnt know her dad isnt her biological dad?
Well i would say the sooner you tell her the better. You had absoloutley no right keeping something as important as that form her for 11 years. It's not as if it's a little white lie either is it. It's something her future is dependent upon. What if she needs her birth certificate one day? Then you wont be able to hide it. She's probably suspicious to why she doesn't look like her other "Siblings" already if you had come out with the classic excuse " I don't know where it is" or "I've lost it" Then i think she would have guessed. And believe me, she would be furious at you for not telling her. You need to tell her now. Even if you don't let her see her dad until shes 18 (Yes, you have the right to do that) She still needs to know that he is existent. What if he starts looking for her? Or maybe he already is. . .
Make sure you explain to her why you have kept the truth from her for so long. Be prepared for her to be angry. After being lied to for 11 years anger is an initial reaction but i can assure you, she will calm down and forgive you. Just think of it like this. She's almost certainly going to find out eventually it's going to be more benifical if she finds out from you rather then figuring it out herself.
My 11 yr old doesnt know her dad isnt her biological dad?
You should tell her the truth because when someone else tells her it will hurt her even more and make her more angry. Tell her that he wasnt a really good man and that she has to wait a bit to know more. The slower you tell her there more chance she'll accept it
My 11 yr old doesnt know her dad isnt her biological dad?
well i think you shouldn't tell her because all it's going to do is hurt her if he's going to be there for the rest of her life then leave it the way it is
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