Sunday, July 26, 2009

I was just wondering?

I don't want kids til marriage, I dont think kids should drink sodas, I dont believe in cursing,gossiping, or fussing around kids, my kids can only have a limited amount of candy, I only want natural births, I dont believe in permed hair, and the only person that agrees with me is my sister but everyone else say I have too many limitations. How do you feel about it. I will raise my kids the way I want but I just wanted some opinions. Thanks!

I was just wondering?

I like your style, girl!

My daughter is 3, and I've done my best to keep to a lot of what you've listed. I also wanted to breastfeed exclusively and use cloth diapers... but as a few of my daughter's old bibs say - Spit Happens.

You're in for a rough ride if you don't find a man to support those.. (believe me). My daughter hates the taste of soda, gets candy infrequently, I had a natural birth (albeit EXTREMELY painful, but it IS doable!!), and I haven't cut her hair YET. I don't believe in piercing babies' ears (just think what piercings they'll want when they're older... ugh!), nor do I believe in indefinitely maintaining an unnatural hair texture (perming, straightening).

I try to limit cursing and otherwise bad manners around her, she already knows (and uses) Please, Thank You, Excuse Me, and Bless You.

I just wanted to let you know that we are out there - those mothers who employ the parenting strategies you envision. The only advice I have for you is, when you do have children, make sure that "no" means "NO", and not "keep bugging me until I say yes."

Kudos on having strong convictions.. and good luck keeping them - and your wits - when you do have kids. Just remember - we'll still be here when you have your own child-specific parenting questions!!

I was just wondering?

for the most part, I'd say you are on track.

I disagree about the soda, but I would limit that in favor of other beverages that are actually nutritionally sound. I just don't know that I would cut it out completely.

I am not sure how I feel about the natural births because I am just now pregnant with my first. I plan on having an epidural because every woman that I've talked to said it was great to have, and their children are not mentally impaired from the drugs.

I do believe in creating a stable emotional environment for children where there is a lot of love and attention. I agree definitely with you about the cursing and arguing.

I was just wondering?

I agree with you although I do allow my 4 year old to have limited soda and candy, I offer fruits and juice instead. I limit TV time, computer time, and video game time, even though everything is educational I think he should have to entertain himself, I do play games with him and we are outside alot, he also has alone time. Kids need limitations, the live for boundaries, schedules, and well... limitations. You should have well balanced kids someday.

I was just wondering?

ok here is my opinion. I like your veiws on sodas,cursing,gossiping and fussing,limited candy is good too.....But I do think you should let them do some things with their hair.nothing like dye it or somthing but let them express themselves.And I do think it would be nice to them like every great once in a while you let them have soda,it would be a real treat.Just please don't homeschool them I beg of you.(I speak from personal experience) but other than that I like your views

I was just wondering?

You certainly seem to have your ideas about parenting thought out! One thing is if you are going to wait until marriage to have kids (which I think is a good idea) then you will have to consider and work out your parenting ideas with your husband. There is no question that having children is difficult on a marriage and disagreements over child rearing ideas is a major stressor. Many people say the most important thing a parent can do for their child is to love their other parent. I don't know what you mean by "fussing around kids," but if it means complaining or arguing then you certainly have your work cut out for you! It's a noble goal to not fight in front of your kids and while I do think it's good and important, I think it's also very difficult to achieve. Kids think their job is to add interest to their parents' lives and most of them are very good at it!!

You may find that kids are more likely to do as you want them to if you can avoid making rules out of everything. We don't have soda in our house, for instance. It's not a rule; and my kids are able to have it when we go out (but no refills) and at friend's houses. I just never buy it, that's all. If you don't curse or gossip your children are far less likely to do it. Your kids will probably try cursing when they are real young -- just to get a reaction from you -- and the less you react, the more likely you are to avoid the issue entirely. If you make a fuss of cursing being awful and not allowed, your kids will know it's bad and they will be more likely to do it just because they know it's unacceptable. Ignoring things completely is often the best and quickest way to stifle a behavior.

My mother had pretty strict ideas about what we kids were allowed to do with our hair. I think hair is something that belongs to the child and they have control over it. It grows back and anything that happens to it is not permanent. It's an easy and reversible way for a kid to express themselves without any harm done. I let my kids do what they want with their hair and by the time they are old enough to really do ridiculous things with it, they no longer want to because they're over the stage of wanting control over their hair. I wouldn't want my 6 yr old to perm their hair but, it never came up because most kids that age don't think of perming their hair. However, if I made an issue of not letting my 6 yr old perm her hair, she'd probably be looking forward to being old enough to do whatever she possibly could with her hair!!

I think it's great that you say you will raise your kids the way you want; that's a good way to look at parenting. You may just find it hard to enforce any rules if you have too many and you will need to remember that your kids will have their opinions on everything too!!

I was just wondering?

For the soda stick to your guns My children did not receive cavities until they started drinking sodas. so out of the four kids they probably only had 2 cavities my oldest i 26 and my youngest is 20 . the oldest received her first cavity when she was 21.But she was on her own and love to drink sodas.And her children have actually had to have some teeth removed before they were 5. Boy did that make me mad. but i hope you find a man that will agree with you on your ideas. That will make it easier to re-enforce them

I was just wondering?

You have good sound morals. There is nothing wrong with that. If you would like to read a book that will help you with your desire to have kids after marriage, I think I have a suggestion. See what you think of the book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. It may sound unconventional but I think you may just agree with it. As for natural births, I would suggest looking into home births. Do as much research as you can. I also understand your stance on soda, chemicals in the hair and large amounts of candy. You sound as if you might also be inclined toward home schooling. Go to the library and research these things. When you believe differently than most people, they are often either offended becuase they wonder what you think of them for being different from them or they will spend much time trying to convince you that you are wrong. This is tiring, to say the least. Know why you believe what you believe and stick to your guns. Have these subjects researched so that if someone truly wants to know what you know and know why you chose a different path, you can explain it to that person. There is nothing wrong with having strong ideals. It is even more important to know how to stand up for them when they are against the current of the times. I am also a fellow non-conformist by the standards of the world today so I understand. You go girl!

I was just wondering?

Don't waver on your values! That's what's important to you, stick with them! You will find the person your meant to have, just don't settle for less!

Good Luck

I was just wondering?

I can understanding some of the wants, but really, you need to realize that not all will happen the way you want.

The wanting of a natural birth... well, that's what I wanted as well. :) However, keep in mind that not all births are going to go as planned. I ended up with an emergency c/section with my son. As for my daughter, she was a planned vbac, but I needed another emergency c/section. My children wouldn't be here if I didn't have the surgeries. My son was stuck, was being compressed in the birth canal, his heart rate dropped to the 50's. My daughter's heartrate dropped to the 30's, turned out that the cord was wrapped around her leg.

Don't set yourself up for disappointment. And always remember, when you do have a baby, it won't matter how she/he arrives, just that she/he arrives safely. :)

As for fussing around kids... I think that you may change your mind once you have one.

Things will happen that are beyond your control. To be totally set on what you want will eventually not work in your favor.

I was just wondering?


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