Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

My husband cheated on me, and he is continually lying to me. I KNOW he is still seeing this woman, and it makes me sick to believe that he is not seing her anymore. I am living in another state than he is, he is in the military, and since he is gone all the time, it was better for me to move home for the family support. He tells me its over, but everytime I call him, sometimes, I hear her damn cat in the background, or when I se him, I find her nasty long curley hair embedded in his shirt. i want to leave him, but part of me still loves him. Why you ask, because we share 2 lovely kids together. How can I gain the courage to leave him. Im scared that I will not find someone else to spend the rest of my life with, or that I wont be able to be a stay at home mom like I am now, or I wont be able to make enough $$ to support my kids. Im scared and maybe the unknown is what scares me the most. Can anyone help me have the confidence I need to leave or forgive and forget?

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

What a mess. I'm so sorry you (or anyone) has to deal with something like this.

You've got a few issues here.

1. You no longer trust your husband.

2. You're worried that you won't be able to support yourself and your kids.

3. You're afraid you won't ever find anyone else.

4. You're afraid of having competition for the affections of your children.

I don't know how long all of this has been going on but it sounds pretty damned painful for you. He may be in a lot of pain too. When a man becomes attached to two different women, it creates a sort of hell for him as well. Not that he deserves our sympathy but I'm pointing it out because he may very well still have strong feelings for you but he's confused and doesn't know what the hell to do. He sounds as if he's quite emotionally involved with this other woman but it may not last.

Should you just sit there and take it? No, I don't think I would if I were you. But if this is just a phase that will run its course and go away then it might be worth sticking it out. If this is a way of life for this guy, then you really have no future with him. Only you can answer these questions.

I think I would find a good counselor to help you sort through all of this. You have children and that complicates things a bit. Without children, the matter becomes much more clear cut. With children, I would try hard to find a way to make the marriage work - if that's possible.

This is more than most of us could handle on our own. Go find a good counselor and go there by yourself. Talk this out and see if you can figure out a good way to work this to some sort of a conclusion. Either come to some sort of agreement with your husband to work on things or end it. To stay in the middle doesn't sound good at all.

As worried as you might be, if you have to end it, you'll find a way to get by financially and you'll find somebody nice. It's a big world with a lot of people in it. There is more than one right person for every one of us. Get some help thinking this through. You'll know what to do.

Good luck.

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

You need to talk this over with your parents and make sure that when you do break it off with your husband and get a divorce, that you have a place to stay. Make sure you are working when this happens, it's very important. Most of the time, the judge will custody to the mother so the dad will pay child-support. I would talk to this about your parents first, then decide how you will be financially wise so you can prepare for it. Half of all marriages end up in divorce in the United States. Your kids will still love you just as much when you get a divorce.

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

to me it seems u do not love your husband at all. u just don't want to work and u found an excuse for yourself to stay with him - 2 kids. so i really don't understand why would he stop seing this other woman and even if he stops why wouldn't he start seing someone else - u re secured in his home because u re lazy and dont' want to work. so he knows he can get away with anything. what should u do? there re 2 ways out for u - u either stop being lazy and go out there and start living on full capacity or u stay with him but stay quiet and pretend u believe he isn't seeing anyone anymore.

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

it doesnt matter how old your kids are right now, they can understand lots so i suggest ... gather all your courage and tell them about their fathers doing.

leave him, he isnt going to change, u will be better off without him. u have ur kids who will always love u no matter wat.

dont be afraid, GOD helps those who help themselves !!

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

Read Divorce Busters immediately.

Stay until the children are grown...

The life of a single Mom is hell unless you are rich.

If you find out they are still cheating and lying, notify the commanding officer and chaplain for help.

If that doesn't work consider telling his family, especially Mom so they will put social pressure on him.

If he is in the war, he may have post traumatic stress, check with the VA for help with that.

Joy to you.

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

First you just really need to decide what you want: to forgive or to leave. You can forgive but you will always remember, trust is lost forever. You got comfortable life now, that is why you are scared to leave. There are such things as child and spouse support. Just make up your mind if you leave or stay and then find the confidence for that.

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

You don't need confidence to leave your husband, what you need is enlightenment and understanding of the situation you are in. Since you do care for him and the kids, you have to ask God to give you more patience and strength to be able to face thiese problems you are with. I know God will give you the answer, as the Bible says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, never rely of what you think you know, remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the way." (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Ignore everything your husband does and give it to God the rightful act to judge. Just take care of your kids and serve your husband as a good wife should do.

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

I'm in almost same situation like you, just that my husband keeps changing different women. The feeling that our loved one keeps lying to us is so torturing and painful, hurt. You've to ask yourself what you want in your life, can you still continue to live with such a man, and do you want to continue feeling hurt forever. We must teach and show our kids such behaviours cant be tolerated, we must teach them how to love in a proper way. Happiness is what we go after. Plan your new life. Get a job first, settle accomodations before you really leave him. Be prepared. Always remember that God will not give us more than we can bear.

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

you have to get your own confidence back but it sounds like your doing the right thing/by just reading this you sound smart/you have a great family to help/you love your kids/and i know of three women who have done what your doing and they are doing great 2 have remarried and the other a boyfriend it wasn't easy for them but they are more happy now then they have ever been good luck

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

You definately deserve better than him. You say you still love him, but what you're feeling is not love - it's the fear of the unknown....the fear of how you will manage your life without his income. Personally, I'd rather live in a one-room apartment with my dignity in tact than to live in a big house with a cheating husband footing the bill.

Studies have shown that children who are abused would rather stay with their abusive parents than to be moved into loving foster care. Why? Because sad as it sounds, these children have learned how to deal with the abuse. They've learned to recognize what they can and can't do to avoid a beating. Even worse, since they don't know any other life, they assume it's "normal" to be abused or neglected. Therefore, the fear of having to "learn a new normal" in foster care makes them feel a kind of attachment and "love" to their abusive parents.

I think this is what you're feeling. Your husband sounds like a class-A creep, and I personally think that you owe it to your self-respect and to your children to leave him. If you stay with him, then you're only giving him the message that he can cheat and treat you like crap, because he knows you won't do anything about it.

Concerning your kids - don't worry. You and only you will be their mom forever....not whatever tramp your soon-to-be X-husband runs around with.

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

First of all, your children are YOUR children and as long as you stay in their life, they will never call anyone else mom. Don't worry about that. I read your full story and it sounds to me like you need to leave him. He's cheated on you and you have lost complete trust and faith in him. This does NOT make for a lasting and good marriage. You sound just like I did several years ago when my husband and I were having problems (we're divorcing). I was also scared of the unknown and felt like "wow! what am I gonna do?" "how will I live?" I used to be a stay at home mom too but when it came down to my happiness I bucked up and got a job. I also have 2 kids. I loved my husband very much but I could no longer live in a relationship that depressed me and with a man who did nothing to make our relationship successful. The unknown is scary. I know, I have been there. I ended up moving back home with my parents until I found a job and became somewhat stable. I stayed single for almost a year after my separation and I finally met a man who loves me and my children. Don't get me wrong, even during that relationship there were times I fell weak and longed for my husband. But after making mistakes, I realized that it was who he USED to be and what our life USED to be, that I was still in love with. Those things didn't exist anymore. I pushed on with my life. No, I'm not able to be a stay at home mom anymore but you know what? I've learned to be self reliant and not scared. I can do things for myself now. Don't be a victim. Victims are SELF MADE, so if you keep suffering and continue being miserable, scared and unsure, then you are responsible and are suffering at your own hand!

Nobody here can give you the confidence you need. That's something YOU have to develop on your own. People are more powerful than what they realize. It took me a long time to realize I could live without my husband and be happy. I don't regret leaving. Besides that, how can you stay with a man who has cheated on you and shared himself emotionally and sexually with another person? That only shows you how much respect he lacks for you, your feelings and your marriage. For me, all that would be on my mind is HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO ME? He is not committed to you or to your children. You need to WAKE UP.

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

Honey, it's already over and you know it. I don't want you listening to crap about how you can't make it on your own with kids. Or how a divorce will scar your children. Because yes you can, and no they want be.

Things may be a little hard at first, but they will at least get better. Are things easy for you now? And are they showing any signs of improvement? I know a few single mothers. They and their children are doing just fine. And so will you and yours.

You know I separated from my wife of 19 years. The reason I stayed so long is because of the kids. Come to find out the kids have been wanting her gone. They just never had the courage to tell me.

Me and my youngest daughter now live in a trailer. My oldest daughter, and my granddaughter are wanting to move in with us because her boyfriend is an idiot. So Christy and little Emily will be staying in my room and I'll be crashing on the couch. And I'll sleep comfortably with a smile on my face, and a song in my heart because I'm free. And I want be in this trailer for ever.

Honey, there is something to be said for your freedom when you've been in a bad relationship. Things are sometimes hard. However not like you would think, because theres no stress from a crazy, lying partner.

I also was worried about being alone at first. I had been in a relationship for so long. Now I don't want any crazy female to be in my life. And you will not want any crazy man thang in yours. And you will sleep quite peacefully at night.

People tried to tell me for years that I would be happier. I wish I would had listened. You will be a lot happier, Hun. And the happier will come fast. You've just got to take that first step. There's happiness and peace of mind out here, Hun. Why don't you come and get you some? :)

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

seems like you better get a job and leave.

that's what the rest of us did.

The military will make sure his child support is sent to you.

Some kids do call step mom mommy or mom for continuity in the family, would you rather they were scared and unhappy there? Once you get divorced he call his own shots and if he wants them to call her mom,then they will. The only way you can screw them up is to make them feel bad about calling her mom.

Then You would be the bad mom and YOU would be the one the kids aren't safe with. Get a little counseling from a real professional not yahoo. unless you want a 14 year old giving you "SOLID" advice.

I hope I wasn't being hard on you hon. but this is nothing compared to what your husband and the Jag are going to do.

Can someone give me the confidence I need to leave my husband?

Do everything you can to save this mariage ! This is solvable ! You can make it work ! I tell you to stay and fix the problem ! COURAGE MY DEAR xoxox

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