Saturday, August 1, 2009

Rate 1-0! Tell whats good and bad! 1st chp. I might post the 2nd becasue its better.?

鈥淐UT!鈥?Jason, the director cried.

15 year old Lily Evans and her two co-stars, Lila Trace and Dan Borski, sighed.

When Lily had got the main role in the new movie, Lookout, seven months ago, she would have never have dreamed it would be this hard. If she did no more than blink at the wrong time, this was no doubt that Jason would notice and make them start over.

鈥淕uys,鈥?Jason said in a disappointed tone, 鈥淲hen people buy tickets to see my movie, they are expecting it seem real, not like a bunch of kids acting it out poorly. Start from the top, and please make it good this time.

Lily, Dan and Lila exchanged a three-way eye roll before starting the scene over鈥?again.

鈥淎aaaaaand ACTION!鈥?

鈥淢arie, I鈥檓 sorry.鈥?Dan acted. 鈥淛ust listen to me-鈥?br>

鈥淣o!鈥?Lily screamed, forcing tears down her cheeks. 鈥淵ou have no idea how much you hurt me! Just- Just leave me alone.鈥?br>

She waited for the end of Lila鈥檚 line, for that was her cue to walk off set, but it never came.

鈥淢ike,鈥?she started, pretending to tell off Dan 鈥淵ou are such a-鈥?

Lila broke into a fit of giggles.

鈥淚鈥檓 sorry, I鈥檓 sorry,鈥?she apologized to Jason, trying not to laugh, 鈥淚t鈥檚 just-鈥?br>

Making it even worse, Lily and Dan started cracking up because of Lila鈥檚 sudden burst of giggles and the raged look on Jason鈥檚 face.

鈥淓NOUGH!鈥?Jason screamed over the laughter, 鈥淓veryone take 5.鈥?br>

Jason looked at the three stars still laughing uncontrollably and rephrased his statement.

鈥淢ake that 10.鈥?He sighed cradling his head in his hands.

Wiping there eyes, Lily, Dan, and Lila walk over to the food cart.

鈥淭hat was so funny.鈥?Lily giggled, grabbing a handful of skittles. 鈥淒id you see Jason鈥檚 face?鈥?br>

鈥淚 know,鈥?Lila laughed back. 鈥淗e has absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever.鈥?

鈥淏ut that鈥檚 why it鈥檚 so fun to get him mad,鈥?Dan agreed, taking a swig of Dr. Pepper, 鈥淩emember that time when we put a whoopee cushion on his director鈥檚 chair?鈥?

Lily laughed at the memory.

鈥淵eah, he was so mad, his face was priceless.鈥?Lila smiled, 鈥淕ood thing he never realized it was us.鈥?br>

鈥淛ust think about what he鈥檇 do if he did find out,鈥?Lily Pondered.

The three shuddered at the thought.

鈥淗ey,鈥?Dan said to Lily and Lila, 鈥淟ets go somewhere after work.鈥?br>

鈥淵eah like鈥hili鈥檚 or something?鈥?Lila suggested.

鈥淚f we survived,鈥?Lily rolled her eyes, as Jason yelled for them to get on set.

Dan smiled.

She looked into his baby blue eyes. Every time Lily did she found a scene of two people together. The girl had curly red and bright green eyes as Lily did. Like Dan, the tall boy had jet black hair and blue eyes. This time, the girl was being given a piggyback by the boy, in a calm and serene field of flowers. The girl was laughing as she was put down by the boy. She seemed so carefree, happy and safe as the boy put his hands with hers. He tucked her hair behind her ear. There lips meet. Lily smiled.

鈥淯h, Lily?鈥?Dan laughed as he waved his hands in front of her face, 鈥淎re you there?鈥?br>

She was suddenly thrown out of the field of flowers and into the studio.

鈥淥h sorry, just thinking,鈥?Lily鈥檚 face grew hot as she twisted her ____ ring as an excuse not to look up. How long had she been standing there with that blank, goofy grin on her face? That was what the problem about staring at Dan鈥檚 eyes. They filled her with a warm feeling as she did, but after, she ended up feeling like an idiot. But they were so tempting to look at鈥?

鈥淲rong. You where doing something, but you defiantly weren鈥檛 thinking.鈥?he said imitating her face, putting on a dumb grin, and Lila laughed.

She winced. Had she really looked that stupid?

鈥淪hut up.鈥?Lily said half annoyed-half amused. Dan had a way with words. As a result, things that he did or said wouldn鈥檛 have been as funny if someone else had.

鈥淎nyway,鈥?he said changing subjects, 鈥淕uys, meet me at my car at around 6. Don鈥檛 worry you鈥檒l have plenty of time to do you hair, Lila,鈥?he added.

Lily laughed, because everyone who knew Lila, knew she took forever to do her hair. For Lily, it took about 5 minutes and Lila didn鈥檛 know how she did it.

鈥淏ut I don鈥檛 understand how it looks so good! You don鈥檛 do anything with it!鈥?she always said after they got out of the dressing room after work.

鈥淲ell anyway,鈥?Dan said, 鈥淟et鈥檚 get going, before Jason kills us.鈥?br>

鈥淥ne sec,鈥?Lila said, 鈥淵ou go. I need to ask Lily something.鈥?br>

Once Dan was out of sight, Lila said in a sing-song voice, 鈥淟ooks like someone has a crush on Dan Borski!鈥?

鈥淚 do not!鈥?Lily lied, hoping she sound convincing, 鈥淗e鈥檚 just a friend. You know that.鈥?br>

鈥淥kaaaayy鈥?Lila said once again in her sing-song voice, obviously not believing her.

They walked over to the set, and Lily couldn鈥檛 help but to think of her conversation with Lila.

鈥淟ooks like someone has a crush on Dan Borski!鈥?

鈥淚 do not!鈥?

But that wasn鈥檛 the truth. Not even close.

Rate 1-0! Tell whats good and bad! 1st chp. I might post the 2nd becasue its better.?

It needs a lot of work. First off, There means over there. Their is the word you want when you are using the possessive. You need a lot of work with sentence structure, punctuation, spelling et al. I give this about a 4. Add 1 or 2 if you fix it up. Pax - C

Rate 1-0! Tell whats good and bad! 1st chp. I might post the 2nd becasue its better.?

i like it it's bout an 8 but only suggestion is that u change either lily or lila name cuz there too close and it might confuse readers

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