My mom abused me some thirty years ago. She would berate me, and put me down constantly. There was episodes of hair pulling, smacking me in the face, and dragging me up the steps by my hair. Recently, she took her granddaughter who's 14 to the movies. The granddaughter back talked her (which teenagers do) and she pulled her hair in the movie theatre to correct her. This was done in the lobby in front of the 14 year old's friends. I found out about it and reported her to DSS. My Mother (the 14 year old's grandma) found out about my report and wants no further relationship with me whatsoever.
I feel overwhelmed and sad because I had hoped this would be a time for her to reach out and say sorry... or simply I need some help.
Most of my family is dysfunctional because of her treatment. I have no relationship with either one of my sisters. One sister is a drug addict who gave up 3 kids.. the other sister and I have no relationship nor would I want one.
Help? Advice?
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? You absolutely did make the right choice. I am 48 and have been abused by both parents my entire life -- verbally, physically, emotionally and sexually. I now have a daughter age 19 and I found out that my mother had been verbally and physically abusing her for several years. I also reported my mother and she wants no further relationship with me either. In fact, she took out a restraining order against me to keep me away from her -- how ironic!
I made several attempts throughout my life to reach out to my mother as well and it only made things worse for me.
I have had no contact with my mother for 2+ years now and they have been the happiest 2+ years of my life.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? It may be hard, but it sounds like you'll be much better off without contact with her.
One of my old friends had very similar issues with her parents (both were emotionally abusive). She saw her nephew and niece being abused in the same way, and she got really worried about them and their emotional stability.
It was one of the hardest things she ever had to do, but she eventually cut off contact with that part of her family. It took a few weeks to overcome that choice, but she felt SOOO much better after that time, and I think she's got a much better outlook because of it.
The decision really came down to her telling her mother (who was the worst offender) that she didn't like when she said or did certain things (and she named those off). Her mother apologized (as she always did), then the next time she saw her or talked to her, she repeated the behavior (as she always did). My friend knew that was a sign that she would never change and that she needed to cut off contact
If your mother is physically and/or emotionally abusive at all and she isn't willing/able to change her behavior, then cutting off contact is the only option she is leaving you with unless you want her to continue to abuse you and your daughter.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? Okay she should have not done it in front of her frineds but your daughter should have not talked back to her. Their is no tolerance for disrespectful kids...I would have smacked her too. U should have not called that abusing she did it once and for a reason...
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? I am very sorry for the sadness you must feel. I commend you for reporting her as it was something I am sure you had mixed feelings about.
It was the best decision as it allows her to see that she isn't fooling anyone about her drastically abusive ways. Maybe she is fooling herself.
I hope this has been an eyeopener for her and with time maybe she will come to grips with the fact she needs counciling.
I hope in the future she can try to repair the damage it has caused in your relationship. Best of luck, stand strong,and maybe it will all work out.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? Its a hard one...and sometimes its best to talk it out within a family before getting others involved after the first incident... but if she has always been this way, if she doesn't see anything wrong with her actions, she will always be this way. All you can do is pray about it at this point. Whats done is done and I just hope you can get the proper healing after all those years of abuse and move on. Take care
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? When CFS (Child %26amp; Family Services) was called on my mother-in-law (not by us - by someone who saw her smacking my daughter in the legs for not sitting quietly in a shopping cart) - it turned out to be a wakeup call for her. She actually improved her behavior afterwards.
The problem is, your mother now blames YOU for reporting her bad behavior. She isn't going to change. Your best bet is to mourn the loss of the relationship (and yes, mourning is the appropriate term) and then try to move on. If your mother refuses to deal with the problem, then you need to put that on HER, not yourself. Don't let her continue the emotional abuse she has heaped on you for years by making this about you.
While I know you were hoping for the best, you have to be a realist in these cases. The old Chinese Proverb applies : Don't expect a cat to bark.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? This is very serious. You are not alone my dear. You may need to seek some therapy from your past, because you are not over it yet. You let the LORD take care of your mom and you take care of you. My mom never hurt me before, she passed away in 1990. My sister had the same problem with drugs etc.... Reach out to friends and be proud of who you are. Do not let your fear overcome your faith. Your mom needs some guidance so she will not act this way. Maybe your mom is old fashioned and feels that she needed to do what she had to do at that moment. I will pray for you and your family.....
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? You did the right thing.
You nor your child need to be exposed to this toxic person. I'm sure you were trying to give your mother the benefit of the doubt by allowing her to spend time with your daughter. As we now know, ugly never changes.
Don't feel guilty about wanting to protect your child from the abuse you endured for years. If you need help dealing with the abuse you've suffered, please contact your local health professional. There is no shame in wanting to get rid of the ugly baggage you've carried, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!!
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you feel sorry for, or allow your mother any contact with you or your child. It's up to you to show your daughter the right path when it comes to dealing with people in all situations.
Good luck.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? You should have talked to both of them before actually reporting her. Maybe a threat would have scared her out of doing it again. And as difficult as it may be, in order for you to have a healthy life, you should distance yourself from her as much as possible.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? I feel you did the very best thing for the situation,
I will admit at first I wondered why you let her have your daughter after you admitted your mother was a abuser,
but once I thought about it I understand,
A part of you hoped with the years she may have changed, but as you did see she hasn't and probably never will,
I know it would be hard to turn in your own mother
but you have to look out for the safety of others when you know she is a abuser.
Stand your ground,
you have to protect your loved ones from abusers even if it is family.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? I do not condone this kind of behavior in private or public but if it was the only way to get the girl to change her attitude well maybe it is just her way. I think the minor stuff is over look able but at any rate by doing it you lost your relationship with your mother. Also now she will be known as a child abuser and should she have to defend herself in everything. If the DSS reported her to the police then she will be on file and open to a lot of abuse. Sometimes it is better to let the cards play out before acting. Once you put it out there there is no way of taking it back.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? Well, to me, it's so important for kids to know their grandparents. But if she is correcting your daughter by pulling hair, I would have done the same thing that you did. And I would be the one to not want a relationship with her. It seems to me that she has hurt you enough. And she does need help. NEVER at any time, no matter what you or your daughter did, do you deserve physical, hurtful punishment. Some people would say that they got spanked and they feel it did good, and they don't feel abused. But pulling hair and smacking in the face is in no way acceptable for a parent...EVER. You are better off and YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. You don't want your daughter to go through the same things you went through and I don't blame you one bit. It's going to be hard, but stick to your instincts and protect your daughter. Not having a family is way better than having a dysfunctional family that mentally and physically abuses. At least you have each other and make sure to be close and do things together. Each other is all you have.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? Well, first off, she was totally in the wrong - no doubt about it. However, I would have addressed with her first before contacting DSS. You may have been subconsciously punishing her for her past actions with you and your siblings.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? First, I'm sorry for your pain. Second, you absolutely did the right thing. No child deserves to be abused, even if they back talk.
I get tired of hearing that family is everything. When you have a family that isn't there for you, there for themselves, and are dysfunctional, there is nothing wrong with escaping it. Sometimes the love of friends can be even better than family. Good luck and continue staying strong! :)
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? You did the right thing. Don't care what anyone says. You did the right thing in reporting her. I mean if your mother doesn't want to have a relationship with you then that's her problem. You should have reported your mother a long time ago.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? I have one question for you. If she never admitted wrong about hurting you, why in the world would you let her have unwatched access to your daughter?
My step-mother who also injured me NEVER had access to my children. She held my infant son for about 10 minutes when he came home from the hospital that was IT!
She never admitted her role in hurting me, she thought she was justified. She was not going to have the opportunity to damage my children.
What ELSE has your mother done, that you don't know about? The mind boggles.
Of course you were right to report her. She should have been reported 30 years ago! She has no business around kids.
Why would YOU want a relationship with her? You seem to feel guilty for protecting your children. You seem afraid to lose your mother's attention. Who cares? She lost her parent card when she mistreated you.
Develop friendships with normal people. Go to a club or church or something and meet nice people. Keep yourself and your children safe.
Good luck.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? You did the right thing.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? If you really think that the grandaughter was being abused, then you did the right thing in reporting it. Children's services will determine whether or not the actions endangered the child. However, regarding the relationship with your mother, make sure you communicate the reason you did what you did. Once you do that, the ball is in her court. We cannot change anyone, but ourselves. If she wants a relationship with you, she will come around.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? I'm glad you stepped up. I know you feel bad about your mom, though. I saw a situation where a woman kept sending her children with her mom--after knowing what she went through as a child---unfortunately the grandmother ended up really hurting one of the children. now there is so much pain that they ALL have to live with. you would have felt really bad if you hadn't reported this and something terrible had happened to the child later. god bless you.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? You did the right thing, no matter whether it was a smack or something worse it is still classed as abuse. The dss should help you alot. If you need support and advice this website might help www.survivorshope.co.nr
Your mother was in the wrong and should be punished for her actions.
I am an adult child who was abused by my mother. I reported her for abusing her granddaughter. Right choice? good for you! it took a lot of guts to finally report your mother. most of us know that taking matters into our own hands doesn't usually work. I hope someday you will be able to mend the pain you are experiencing. God will carry you through! God bless
